Tag: Couples Therapy

Attachment Conflict Resolution Couples Therapy EFCT •

The Hard Truth About Couples Therapy

What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), and why does it help couples create lasting change?

Maybe you don't need another communication strategy. I hear some version of this from couples fairly often:

“We've tried therapy before.”

“We've read the books.”

“We know we're supposed to use ‘I’ statements.”

“We know we shouldn't interrupt each other.”

And yet... here you are.

Having the same fight and getting caught in the same patterns. Most of the couples I work with say they are feeling disconnected despite genuinely wanting things to be different.

This is one of the reasons I value Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT).

Because while communication skills matter (and yes, we will absolutely talk about them) I don't believe lasting change comes from simply handing a couple a list of five things to do differently during an argument.

Most of the time, we need to understand what is actually happening underneath the argument.

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Conflict Resolution Couples Therapy •

When Your Partner’s Best Qualities Start to Frustrate You

The relationship paradox: The qualities you fell in love with may be the very qualities you find yourself fighting about today.

Maybe one of you is spontaneous and the other is organized. One of you is calm and steady, while the other is expressive and emotionally attuned. One of you loves adventure, while the other prefers to think things through.

Early in a relationship, these differences can feel magnetic. Your partner sees the world differently than you do. They introduce you to new experiences, perspectives, and perhaps even parts of yourself.

Until, eventually, those same differences start to feel less charming.

"You're so laid back" becomes, "Why do I always have to be the responsible one?"

"You're so adventurous" becomes, "Can you please think things through first?"

And suddenly, the quality that once drew you toward your partner becomes evidence that something is wrong with them.

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